Non-Sexual Adultery Dr. Intimacy November 2011
This post is so good I have re-posted it here
What is adultery actually? Well the literal definition according to most English dictionaries is to have sex with someone other than your spouse when you are married. We don’t need to expound upon that definition too much, as it is pretty apparent exactly what that means. The only insight that I would add to this literal definition is that sexual contact, even when it does not include full penetration, is unequivocally adultery!
I can remember this one couple that I encountered. The guy was accused of adultery, but he and the other woman in question disagreed on whether or not they had actually had sex. She said that they did have sex, but he said that they didn’t. He concluded that even though they were both but naked in bed together, kissing, humping and climaxing – it didn’t count because he only ‘peeked his head in’ without fully penetrating her. OK I’m sorry for that graphic description, but the ludicrous guise of deception that people are under sometimes is just astonishing to me. We had to spend months worth of counseling just to establish whether or not sex had actually occurred between he and his mistress, before we could move on to any real deliverance sessions! I am not usually this descriptive and won’t be often, nor do I invite comments of such nature. Everyone once in a while it is just necessary to get really raw though, because someone reading this was offended at the guy I just described… until they remembered when they did the same thing! So let’s just be honest with ourselves my brothers and sisters, so that real deliverance can occur in our lives without delay.
But anyway, back to my topic.
Outside of the obvious literal meaning of adultery, there are other ways that adultery can manifest itself in one’s marriage.
If you are married, pornography would definitely fall under the umbrella of adultery for you. Through pornography you are creating a sexual connection with another person. People watch pornography because it is sexually stimulating. As a married person, you should only be receiving sexual stimulation from your own husband or wife. That is why Yeshua states in Matthew 5:27-28, “27You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Pornography is commonly accompanied by masturbation and on-going sexual fantasy. Long after the video is no longer being viewed, you are repeatedly committing adultery in your heart and mind.
There is also the most subtle form of adultery that has as of lately claimed more formerly faithful wives than you might imagine. This form that I am talking about is commonly referred to as emotional adultery. This happens when you develop and nurture strong feelings of attraction, love or friendship with someone other than your spouse. A frequent doorway for this type of adultery to enter into one’s marriage is through the forging of an internet relationship, which often times at the onset seems like such an innocent and safe way to make an emotional connection with someone. It also frequently occurs in close working relationships, between close family friends and with spiritual leaders or mentors as well. Really, any ongoing communication between two people can lead to this type of adultery if not carefully monitored.
For the broadest understanding of what adultery is – always remembering that we are to consider first the motive of the heart before we consider anything else – it is anyone or anything that you become intimate with. Yes, I said anyTHING too! Marriage is a sacred covenant that you enter into with the promise to love, honor and cherish above all else. Furthermore, don’t forget that marriage is designed to be the symbol of our relationship with The Creator. Just as NO one or NO thing should ever come before God in your life – aside from your intimate, personal relationship with Him – NO one or NO thing should ever come before your spouse.
You should not have a closer friend; you should have no secrets; you should have no greater love; no greater intimacy; no greater oneness; no greater loyalty, commitment or connection of any kind; than that which you have with your spouse. This includes people – especially your family and even your children. This includes places – such as your job and even more especially the church. And this includes things – such as sports, hobbies and even ministry pursuits! Don’t get an intimate relationship with God confused with public ministry. Your intimate relationship with God should always come before your relationship with your spouse – your public ministry never should!
Any bond or intimacy that you create with anyone or anything that takes away from the esteemed first place of honor that should be reserved and dedicated to your spouse alone, is a betrayal and a violation of your sacred marriage covenant. Let me put this disclaimer out there: I am not endorsing the use of this revelation to offset a free-fall of divorces on the grounds of “non-sexual adultery”. However, I believe that the absence of this understanding is destroying more marriages than any other weapon in this present day. The spirit of adultery is present in more marriages than we can possibly conceive. Surely, when the spirit is present and prevalent in subtle, non-sexual manifestations of adultery – it is likely that sexual adultery will follow. That is why it is so important that you grasp this broader understanding of what adultery really is.
How do you feel about what I shared in this article? Have you been a victim of non-sexual adultery or maybe a committer of such or is this absolute gibberish to you? Let me know your thoughts.
In the Power of Love,
Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body
I must say that your article is very good indeed. And as “the love of many shall wax cold” towards the Lord and towards each other partners in this the last days, This post gives a great insight of how easy it is to get confused and move the boundaries, then move them again and again and again until in the end there is not any boundaries.
Thoughts of the brain and the heart lead to actions, actions lead to Motions, which lead to E-Motions, and once E-motions get hold, one’s heart is vulnerable and probably already damaged by that time, Pro 4 v23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. (for out of motions (heart) come e-motions of life). How mighty are those issues or mountains; that take Time and Faith and Perseverance to overcome. And usually Financially cost as well, even if you have nothing it still costs financially, even if you do not divorce ones wife, it still costs as thoughts get mixed, vision perishes and confuse blows in like a cloud or fog.
Even God is vulnerable, He has not sinned, Nor Jesus or the Holy Spirit, but God has gone through a lot; time and time again to build relationship with Human beings to have forever, but we read, at the end of the day God is going tp Rev 3 v 16 KJV So then because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew you out of my mouth.
He will not allow anything that is pure around Him for very long at all.
Notice the numbers 3 = Godhead and 16 is 2 separation times Jesus 8 = 16. He does not have to spew out the cold ones as He has defenses for those His Armour and His bow his word Seal no:1, His two edge sword, nor the Hot because the Hot love Him, but he has to spew out, those who want a bit of both! (many are called but few are chosen)) Therefore:
HE is going to PURGE Himself (Godhead (3)), of the bit of both – who want Universe’s of both light and darkness.
Thank you for your wonderful insights.